I know some are battling the depths of love for their child against the destruction of tantrums and meltdowns, and all the while, the greatest devastation is not felt in the mind. It’s not in the scattered and broken pieces of memories that once adorned your home. It’s not the bruises and bite marks you cover. It’s in the mangling and searing pain, the constant torment that you feel in your soul.
Because while you try everything, there comes a time…when ashamedly, you try nothing…
The weariness, the overwhelming sadness, the bone-aching tiredness…you understand that you may not be enough. And to know you are not enough…well, it’s enough to crumble your soul into finely milled dust that’s blown upon the breath of the winds of faith.
**Our days – my days – lately, have been long and more than hard. And it’s in these times, I question all that I am as a mother…as a human being. It’s when I spend more time in tears than I do with a smile…it’s when I ask God, “Why me? Surely there is someone more capable than me…”
The road is sometimes very dimly lit…when I’m heavy from holding too much truth. So today, I open the gate…I allow the truth to exist somewhere other than inside my body.